Yay Spring!
I have a certain marker by which I judge when it's actually spring around here. For the benefit of the squeamish (namely Xiangtao and Kristi) I've stashed said marker below the fold...
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
F#&%@ng People
Mother's Day this year found dad and I driving mom all around the southern half of the state for a bit of sightseeing and picture taking. During our last stop, I noticed a couple of kids with their mother looking at something in the brush that they were obviously a bit excited about. Of course, my first thought was "snake" (which is usually closely followed by "I hope it's the dangerous type") so I went jogging over to see what they found.
When I got there, I discovered a smallish bull snake... and the little fucking shit had it pressed under his fucking shoe so it wouldn't get away...
... And his fucking mother was poking it with a goddamned stick!
Needless to say I snatched the little guy out from under the offending shoe and away from the offending stick. It probably also goes without saying that he was, by that time, sufficiently enraged that the flight response had given way to the "show me your hand and by god I'll fuck it up good" response (not unheard of given the nasty tempers some bull snakes seem to have).
The result? One poo guy attempting to explain to some idiot people why it's bad to torment snakes while simultaneously attempting to dislodge said snake from my fingers with the minimum amount of damage to either the snake or to myself. Maybe I should have let it bite the lady on her damn face to make my point. Oh well... live and learn.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
*Cough* *Gurgle* *Croak*
Yesterday: went to bed with a slight tickle in the back of my throat.
Today: woke up with the hacking death plague.
For me the worst part of the whole thing is that I had a somewhat lengthy experiment set up to run today, but now I have to put it off until I'm better. Not only is the experiment rather sensitive to contamination - which would really set me back at this point - but apparently it's bad manners to share the crud with your lab fellows.
Monday, May 05, 2008
The List
Unless you've been living under a rock (or in Utah... ten brownie points to the first person who gets the joke), you've no doubt seen those Chuck Norris fact lists. Since a fundangelical like Chuck gets a list, we need one for someone cool. How about Bill Nye?
A few of my favorites:
Avogadro's Number is actually a misnomer since Bill Nye discovered it when asked to provide a PIN for his checking account.The list needs more ideas...
Some people can recite the first few thousand digits of pi. Bill Nye can recite the last thousand digits of pi.
Bill Nye is more efficient than a reversible process.
Bill Nye not only knows all of the possible elements on the periodic table, but he can create any one at will. He's got a brick of 114 in his pocket right now.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Cachinno (Again)
Too many funny things in Latin lately. Must share:
> > What's the Latin for PWNED ?Now if only there was a Latin equivalent to "ROFLMFAO" I could die happy.
> Veni, vidi, vici?
Thursday, May 01, 2008
The "Design" of Earth
I have to share this one (from here):
Listen up, people. Here is what really happened.
It turns out God is merely a figurehead deity, not all that omniscient and put into office by covert power groups. The real power lies with the ViceGod. When the decision was made to create a universe in six days, including all earthly life in about three days, the ViceGod contracted out the job to his old buddies at Halliburton. They, of course, had no ability to actually do the work but knew exactly how to get it done, making a handsome profit out of it. They couldn't hire real "employees" because of silly workplace rules and so subcontracted it to a group of independent consultants. These were all Asian, of course, including Indians, Chinese (plus Taiwanese) and Malaysians because nobody else would work for the paltry fees Halliburton was offering. These people, contrary to popular misconception, were actually exceptionally intelligent and clever and highly skilled workers.
One team was assigned the "swimmeth in the waters" task. However after six hours of very successful work, the boss called them in exclaiming, "Hey, we just also got the creepeth and crawleth bid!". After the appropriate grumbling about how the sales people didn't understand the first thing about actually getting the job done, they seized on the bright idea of just taking the swimmeth beasties and modifying them as little as possible, making full use of the gill supports and the paired pelvic and pectoral fins and the swim bladders. Somebody in testing then called back saying there was a real problem with salt and water balance when you put the things on land instead of water. "Oh, shit!" they exclaimed, and installed another osmotic regulatory system.
The next day, while they were on a well deserved break, the boss called them in again. "Change of plans -- the Big Guy is very happy with thingies crawling all about but now got it into His Head that He wants a new thingie in His own Image. You got 24 hours to do the job." Back to work, this time even more desperate. Every kludge and trick was necessary. At the last moment came the new specifications, "Most be capable of producing urine more concentrated than own body fluid". OK, back to the drawing board. Rig something up, stuff it in the body, and hope nobody notices!
On the sixth day, they shoved what they had out the door and held their breath in anticipation. It all seemed to go well and as a special bonus, they got the seventh day off as a paid vacation. "Hey, don't the people in charge realize that we pawned off a version that didn't even make beta test?" they gasped in amazement. "Hell, that one didn't even go through alpha! Wait until it gets challenged morally -- it won't get to first base in any test of faithful obedience to commands." Back came the answer, "the body is likely to fall apart after a short time anyway, so it doesn't matter. The only important thing is that we got something out that the customer bought and we got paid!" God, of course, was already focused on future plans; a deluge, an awful lot of smiting, and the sequel: "Son of God". ViceGod, as expected, didn't care in the slightest. He got his kickback from Halliburton who was already named as prime contractor for all future projects on a no-questions cost-plus basis.
Anyone here who actually has designed and produced a real product under real conditions will easily recognize this story and sympathize with the plight of real designers. So much for the "poor design" argument. It does not in any way rule out the "intelligent design" notion.
If You Don't Like the Weather...
... Wait ten minutes.
Monday: shorts and flip-flops.
Today: three inches of snow on my car at 0800.
Crikey.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
April Searches Bring May... More Searches?
Looks like May is about to jump on us once again, and that means finals, a couple days off, start of summer session and then the impending assault of high school interns for the summer. I'm told that intern mortality of 66% is acceptable and that I'd be risking the wrath of the lab gods by pushing it any higher. Guess we'll see...
In the meantime, here are the April search strings:
what is fever bark: The sound made by a sick dog.
surprise buttsex giraffe: Sounds like some sick anime character. "Hey kids! It's Happy Surprise Buttsex Giraffe!" *shudder*
MRS degree slogan: "Ring by spring or your money back" (unofficial slogan for BYU-Idaho).
why is my brother an ass?: Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that my little brother wrote this one?
biggest human penus evar: I don't know why, but every time I see "penis" spelled that way I burst out in a fit of giggles.
bentonville ar atheist: Well, I are atheist too. I can has pat on bak nao?
cowboy wash action: Nom nom nom nom.
anonymous renga poems 5 7 5 7 7 5 7 5: 7 5 7, 5 5 7 7 5, 5 7 5 5... smartass.
you tube what do you do when you want to do a poo in an english country garden: Easy: find an English country garden, drop your pants and poo. Why do you need instructions?
spooge girls: Sorta like the Fantanas, but with... well, you know...
how to do biggest poo: First, you'll need to hire a rectum stretcher...
how can it be possible for someone to discover a new element that would be placed between carbon and nitrogen?: It can't. They're lying.
warning choking hazard, naughty pic: No comment necessary.
worlds biggest penis + noah: Go ahead... make all the flood jokes you can handle. I'll wait.
worlds largest clitoris photo: 13 x 15? How the fuck should I know?
snake insertion ass site: The next altie craze... once they get tired of coffee enemas.
pictures dude your mom had sex and squire: WTF??? Winner.
peloza cat food dog food: Definitely a WTF??? runner-up.
what does a pig penis look like: Sort of, similar to, mostly like, definitely resembling a corkscrew. Happy?
was kent hovind framed: Based on his frequent statements to the legality of income taxes, I'd have to go with a "no" on that one.
giraffe penis: Hey, you sick fuck! Long time, no see!
fifteen nude girl: We call that a strip club around here.
how many college kids leave their faith after college: All of them... MUAHAHAHAHA!
bs meter: Mine went on strike... apparently it wants to be paid for overtime.
i love poo: Good for you. I love Tigger more.
poo sound bank: Only if said bank has a restroom.
jesus saves and makes incremental backups: I wish someone could teach my dad to do that...
bee sting in clit: Sounds incredibly painful.
monster gode insertion sex: What the hell is a "gode" anyway?
hymen girl pics: Like most superheroes, Hymen Girl doesn't like being photographed.
blue eyed mormon girl: That describes about 90% of them... try revising your search terms a bit.
fetish temperature: Is there really a proper temperature for indulging a fetish? Sounds like a good research project to me.
Floralive fraud:? The fucking guy is talking about healing energies generated by fucking flowers... can I make it any fucking more clear to you? Fuck.
prretty sexy nuds: I prefer the "really sexy nuds", but it's all a matter of taste.
cent hovind: And he probably didn't pay taxes on that either...
fack: FUCK!!!
porno hymen grill: Mmmmm... grilled hymen.
people who work with feces: That's a shitty job.
make a knockout pill?: Why spend the time when a leather pouch full of lead shot works just as well?
what does "science never sucks" mean: It means suction doesn't exist as a force on its own... it's really a function of pressure differences.
hovind creation series reviews: You weren't by chance looking for positive reviews, were you?
hymen don't break down video: That's it; this is the new name of my first hit single.
what is useless knowledge?: Knowing the intimate details of the Left Behind books...
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Grrr! Arrrgh!
First round of antibiotic testing: complete fucking dud. Bastards didn't even flinch. I'm hoping it was just a bad batch of antibiotics and that repeating the experiment with some new stuff will yield better results, but I'm not getting my hopes up too much... getting a consistent kill curve with this bug as frustrated more than a couple people over the last two years.
For now, I feel like hitting something. All I need is to find a new racquetball partner...
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Rolling Out the Welcome Mat
It's been far too long since I've updated Ye Olde Blogroll. I'd imagine that some people who've been waiting for a reciprocal link since the beginning of the year got sick of waiting by now and deleted me (sorry). Anyway, without further ado, I'd like you to welcome the new additions, in no particular order:
First on the list: Signs of Insanity, who has this to say about himself:
What can I say? I'm a geek. Deal with it.What's not to love?
Next, we have the Church Burnin' Ebola Blog (if you don't spend any time hanging around the Uncommonly Dense thread on AtBC, I'm not even going to try explaining...). Besides, the blog has a short explanation on the sidebar and I'd rather you hear it straight from the horse's, erm, Mister DNA's
Next on the list are some folks I've mentioned before (I've even used their sticker a couple of times): Blogging on PseudoScientific DoucheBags. The name pretty much speaks for itself.
Last but not least, we have a relative newcomer to the blogging world: Ferret's Cage. I hold a special place in my withered black heart for the kid, especially since he joined the list of people who unwittingly aided in my plan for world domination (okay, so he just let me tweak his template a bit). If he maintains his current posting output, I'll be doubly impressed.
It's a short list this time, but a good one. As you may have noticed, I've added a section for blogs that have been inactive for a substantial length of time. I'm hesitant to actually purge them, since I've always liked the ones on the list (Joolya, if you're still alive you need to start posting again).
On a final note, if I've overlooked you for some reason, feel free as always to say so in the comments and I'll rectify the situation.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Yikes
Monday, April 14, 2008
Pretty Bugs
In case anyone ever wonders why I like working with Halo, aside from my respect for its incredible toughness and the potential medical applications thereof, I've stashed a couple of my reasons below the fold.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Cue Liver Damage in 5... 4... 3...
Some parents seem to think that the biggest risk in sending their kids off to college is that they might just lose their faith. I contend that liver damage is the real risk.
This Friday marks the annual Geology vs. Biology keg-off, which pits the masterful home brewers of the biology department against the hard-partying cavemen of the geology department. One would think that the biologists, with their intimate knowledge of all things beer, would have the advantage. Alas, it appears that geology field work - consisting of weeks spent in the equivalent of an Old West mining camp waiting for the rocks to do... something... confers quite a ridiculously high alcohol tolerance. The biologists have lost every year since the unofficial event started. This year, the home brewing guys have decided to recruit help from the rest of the department - students and faculty alike - in the hopes of finally redeeming themselves. Eternal glory awaits the winners.
Ah... if only BigDumbChimp were here...
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