Google Grab Bag

Time to begin a new fun-filled monthly tradition on the blog. I'm now going to start collecting, once per day, samples of which search results bring unsuspecting victims to my little corner of the web. At the end of the month I'll compile the best of the list and post them for all the world to see.

Head below the fold for September's results...

who am i- Seriously, is this really a question you think Google can answer?
ANATOMY GIRAFFE PENIS PHOTO- Animal fetish people scare me...
quick reason why I love you- Ummm... my snarky wit and high alcohol tolerance?
what is the world's greatest video game- Mario Kart, mixed liberally with adult beverages.
throw poo at people- "Mom, if you were in a German scheisse film you'd tell me, right?" [/Cartman]
high school chemistry lab equipment- I only blew up that pressure tube in the name of science. Honestly.
lies my teacher told me- "This is the most important class you'll ever take..."
modding estes hydrogen rocket- "Let's see... maybe if I tweak this part here... Oh FUCK!!!"
fusion was discovered- And then we used it to blow shit up...
argument from opposites- For the last time: no does not mean yes.
spontaneous human combustion- Pretty cool when it happened to that Spinal Tap guy.
what happened to fecalgram- The dog ate my mail.
stupid warning labels- "Not meant to be taken rectally"
butanoic acid prank- Swear to God I don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps you should ask Mr. Morgan...
halloween syphillis costume- Here I thought I was the only one who'd do something like that...
bs meter- "Hey, this guy looks like he knows something about that. Ooh, where's this link on his blog taking us? AiG? Fuck! Now I've gotta buy another one!"
how to read eyes- Sound them out, just like any other word.
aroused drunken guys- "Will Pay For Boobies"
check please- "Wait staff: we thank thee for this food you have provided of which we are about to partake and pray that it nourish and strengthen our bodies. Amen."
worlds biggest poo- Stop looking at me like that. How the fuck should I know?
flying poo- Messy when it comes down.
he biggest poo in the world- As opposed to "she biggest poo in the world"?
flexible contortion pictures blog- Can't help ya there, but if you find one...
dirty fighting quotes- "It's mostly a lot of headbuttin' and kicken' 'em while they're down."
mormon partying- When the booze shows up, the good LDS girls put their clothes on and leave.
harvester ant sting- Not fun. Try it sometime.
insect testing- One of these days PETA will protest that too...
nude pudding- It's the color "nude"... perverts!
which animal does the biggest poo- Definitely your mom.
dinosaur skin photo- And I thought a couple of my dad's cameras were old...
uncle moishe and the mitzvah men- Joolya, I think you'd better explain this one...
could jesus have stopped the crucifixion- Does a bear...
hovind timeline- He's born. He gets baptized. He fakes a degree. He cheats on his taxes. He gets caught...
what bible says about visiting doctor- "Your house caught what? Yeah, no problem. Here, hold these pigeons while I get my knife..."
ld50 of harvester ant- It's low. Take my word for it.
when to have an epidural- When you just don't feel like going through natural birth but you don't want a caesarean either.
flying poo beast- Out West these are known as "seagulls".